An exhortation that is asked daily by our loved ones. The perturbation is overwhelming when we are experiencing agosognosia, the humiliation of being told to take a medication that you don’t believe you need is infuriating.
Although my loved ones are resolute with solicitude, they are palpably overwhelmed with tension and incertitude, plainly displayed by the unsettling look of sorrow and compassion in their eyes. Belying their spoken words of encouragement that are urging me to take my medication, medication that I concerned as injudicious maleficence by a treating psychiatrist.
My wife and son are indefatigable and they stupefy me. How can they tolerate my erratic behavior each and everyday, unwavering devotion. I am fortunate! Regrettably, the majority of us diagnosed as bipolar experience the horrific, deleterious trauma of family outcasting as the “black sheep.” Family outcasting by our immediate family hits at our innermost selves instantaneously creating backlash — why are they pestering and badgering me?
Remarks which I perceived as cruel nonsense creating undue, unutterable strife. Are these remarks born from paranoia or reality? The adverse reaction is anosognosia that is indicative of the horrible isolation of us physically and emotionally. Family outcasting is an excruciating experience for all of us; that is why we are reticent to disclose that we are people diagnosed as bipolar.
No one chooses to be bipolar, it is a neurological condition. We are subjected to presumptuous maltreatment by the untrained members of society. A bipolar diagnosis is met with skepticism by the preconception that it is a fictitious diagnosis. Consequently, we are stigmatized, ostracized and marginalized by society. As society and our own families abandon us, I shudder to think that a majority of us are all alone with our Rolodex of thoughts being renounced by the community.
To demonstrate the bias that is ensconced in society, even Kanye West is exposed to xenophobia. Mr. West is misunderstood all over the world. From Wikipedia, “Kanye West has been a consistent source of controversy for his conduct on social media.”
At an October 2018 visit to the Oval Office, Mr. West was presented as maundering, confused and incoherent by the media. The subject of the meeting was the inequity and disparity in sentencing of Black versus white Americans for identical infringements. The incontrovertible evidence without a doubt displays verdicts and incarcerations as biased toward minorities by our country’s legal system.
Facts aside, the media lambasted Mr. West and sapped the power of his words, labeling them as the ravings of a lunatic. At a July 2020 press conference, Mr. West imparted his confusion by saying “my brain is too big for my skull.” After this news conference, the media pounced, lampooning his peccadilloes with the insincere all-time hit “let us hope Kanye gets the help he so desperately needs.”
If the words and efforts of someone as culturally vital as Mr. West can be neutered by reductionist and hateful verbiage, then what hope do the rest of us have?
Bipolar medication is essential to keeping us tranquil and docile. Our medicine is mandatory and must be calibrated and modified on a continuum, with some patients being prescribed as many as 10 prescriptions at a time. Fifty percent of those diagnosed with bipolar disorder are non-adherent to their prescribed medication due to anosognosia, increasing the probability of a relapse.
My personal regiment was at first lithium, from which I developed lithium poisoning. Next was Depakote, which was akin to a chemical lobotomy. Life for me was emotionally barren and my daily life was wrought with side effects from tardive dyskinesia to dysarthria. Medications cannot be re-adjudicated or adjusted without consultation with our physicians, leaving many of us helplessly adrift while the side effects turn into permanent health concerns.
Those of us living with bipolar disorder deserve to be treated with compassion and respect. It is time.
Bob Nagle is a 60-year resident of Northampton, bringing visibility to those living with bipolar and mental health stigmatization in the community.