It dawned on me that this month marks five years since I have been writing this column. Five years of sitting at my desk, carving out thoughts in my head, and encapsulating fleeting moments into the lines on this page. It has become a ritual. It is a responsibility, one that I deeply cherish, but one nonetheless. It is a gift to have this space to share and connect with you all.
A lot has changed over the past five years. I’ve completed two degrees, officially dipped my toes into the dating waters which almost got my hand bitten off, and started to fully step into the person I’m supposed to be.
I’m the same girl I was when I timidly wrote my first column, wondering if anyone would actually read it, but I’m also very different.
The Daily Hampshire Gazette was the first public platform where I was airing some of my innermost thoughts. I submitted my first column during the fall of 2019, during my junior year at UMass, because I was prompted by one of my professors to. It was about my experience of going to school remotely. And I was beyond terrified to put myself out there like that.
It also bears mentioning that while I have been writing, in some form, since I was eight years old, I have only been writing for myself the majority of that time.
When I was in elementary and middle school, and would begin the long process of gaining confidence in my writing, I would start writing books and soon abandon them. I have always had extreme diligence in most areas in my life, but when there wasn’t a deadline attached to a task, I had a hard time finishing them. I still do, to this day.
However, when I entered high school, my form of choice for quickly expelling intrusive thoughts from my head had become poetry. It was around this time that I had begun writing book reviews for the West Springfield Record, which I did for a year and a half, until I graduated high school. Then, I started to delve into the world of journalism and telling other people’s stories during my sophomore year at UMass.
At the time, I had harbored the belief that my condition made me different and not in a good way. In a weird way, especially to my peers. Because who would want to know about the girl who went to school via a screen and longed to be invisible?
It turns out a few people do.
At this time, I was still clinging to that high school mindset. Because for the majority of my life, up to that point, that had been true. I grew up not fully realizing that I was different from my peers, so anything that my peers did, I sure as heck was going to do. Or, at least, attempt to do. As I got older though, my differences became more obvious, and the message became loud and clear.
But once I started sharing my story, it felt like I had unlocked a door into finding myself. One that I had needed to, in order to find myself and my voice.
I’ll be forever grateful to the past editor-in-chief, Brooke Hauser, for offering me the opportunity to contribute a column and current Executive Editor Dan Crowley, for continuing to give me the space. I still remember the genuine shock that I felt when I opened the email from Brooke that October morning, like it was yesterday.
Because part of growing up, I’ve come to learn, is accepting that my unique perspective doesn’t make me an outcast. But rather, it makes me special.
I’ll be honest, for the solid first year that I was writing this column I did feel like I was writing into a void. Aside from professors and classmates that I worked alongside at the Amherst Wire, if you know you know, no one made any comments to me about my writing. In the fall of 2021, something absolutely wild started happening; strangers would come up to me in public to compliment my writing.
This was a welcome change from people usually staring at me when I’m out in public, or commenting about how brave I am for simply existing. It was still a shock though, but not in the ways that you might think.
It was the first time I had the blatant realization that my words were reaching other people. And I was filled with an immense sense of pride, that I was doing something important for society. But, also, for me.
To conclude this column, I’m going to do something different, I’m going to say thank you to you all.
If you’ve just started reading my column, or have been here since the beginning, thank you for coming along the journey of witnessing me grow up.
Here’s to another five more!
Gazette columnist Joanna Buoniconti is a freelance writer and editor. She is currently pursuing her master’s at Emerson College. She can be reached at columnist@gazettenet.com.