Oh no. It’s time for yet another Olympics. This one will be the 25th — sorry make that the XXV “Winter Olympics.” The way I understand it, the winter activities do qualify for Roman numerals but not for the formality of the word “Olympiad” — yet. Heaven forbid. That’s still reserved for the summer tilts. Yup. I’ve already seen countless shows on TV, and articles in the news, about the festivities to be held in Milan/Cortina Italy from Feb. 6 to 22.
The first Olympiad was held in Greece in 776 BC — maybe. Nobody knows for sure. The initial Winter Games were conducted in Chamonix, France in 1924. Guess it took a long time for the winter athletes to wake up, get their acts together, get some advertising, and print up tickets to make some money. It took them even longer to allow professionals to participate. The games used to be only for “amateurs.” Too many hot toddys and frostbite issues I suppose. Can you picture Achilles and Athena of yore strapping on their skis and slaloming down the Pindus Range or lacing up their skates to perform on frozen Lake Zazari?
My Bronx upbringing motivates me to propose some additional suggestions for the upcoming extravaganza to help bring the world closer together, which is one of the Olympics’ stated goals.
With Greenland and the Arctic nations in the news these days, I think ice volleyball might be an excellent counter to beach volleyball. Of course the players would be required to wear skimpy swimsuits while competing.
During our grade school years in the schoolyard we played Ringoleevio and had massive snowball fights. Yukigassen (look it up) would be a perfect fit for the Milan games with one caveat. No member, or past member, of the Decatur Avenue Gang will be allowed in the yard. They put rocks in their snowballs.
Since the Paris Olympics introduced break dancing as an Olympic “sport “ (which has since been immediately abandoned) I would like to recommend the Indigenous Arctic People’s jive — The Drum Dance. This might also serve to spread the medals to other countries which would certainly help the peace effort.
I think the 400-meter hurdles held on a snow-covered surface might draw some spectators. Ice Fishing and snowman (I mean snowperson) making might also interest certain types of “sport” enthusiasts. Yodeling could be a good final event to calm things down after the chaos. It would be interesting to see who gets to the podium.
Rest assured that I have many more suggestions to put forth when the Olympic Committee initiates the First Fall Olympiatus and the First Spring Olympiatorum. (I took Latin in 7th grade.)
Let the games begin.
Jonathan Kahane lives in Westhampton.