by Steve Pfarrer

TO SIRI WITH LOVE: A MOTHER, HER AUTISTIC SON, AND THE KINDNESS
OF MACHINES

By Judith Newman

Harper

judithnewman.com

When writer Judith Newman gave birth to twin boys, Henry and Gus, she had concerns about both. Her sons were very premature, weighing barely over three pounds, and both had initial development delays and remained undersize for some time.

But whereas Henry pretty quickly made up for lost time, Gus did not. He didn’t use a potty until he was three and a half; he didn’t show much interest in the people or things around him. And he didn’t talk, either: He imitated sounds, like sirens and the “Bing!” of a microwave oven when its timed cycle ended. At age six, he was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum.

But in “To Siri With Love,” Newman, who lives in New York City, describes how her son, as a young teenager, began coming out of his shell, especially when he began conversing with Siri, the artificial intelligence voice on her iPhone.

For Gus, who, Newman writes, was obsessed with things like train schedules and weather reports, Siri was a godsend, someone (or some thing) who would happily answer his many questions and always do so politely. “Right now,” she writes, “at a time when humans can be a little overwhelming even for the average kid, Siri makes Gus happy. She is his sidekick.”

“To Siri With Love” is an expansion of a widely read essay of the same name that Newman wrote in 2014 for The New York Times. Part of the essay’s appeal was its personal subject matter, but as Newman writes in her new book, there may have been another factor: In her son’s case, the impersonal technology that inundates our world showed a personal side of sorts.

“Why did the story hit a nerve? Well, for one thing, it presented an opposing view to the current notion that technology dumbs us down and is as bad for us as Cheetos. But its popularity also, I believe, stems from its being about finding solace and companionship in unexpected places… Technology can also bring us out a little and reinforce social behavior. It can be a bridge, not a wall.”

In her book, Newman broadens her story considerably, recounting her difficult pregnancy at age 40; describing her husband, John (who’s almost 30 years older than her) and other son, Henry; and, most of all, her delicate relationship with Gus, who, among other things, hops up and down when he’s happy and excited.

In a story told with lots of dry humor as well as genuine sadness, Newman reveals her fierce love for Gus and her ongoing concern for what his future might hold. At one point she writes, “It is very hard to say this out loud. Let me try. I do not want Gus to have children. At least I’m pretty sure that’s what I want. Don’t I?”

She also relates that when Gus was very young, she spent a lot of time trying to figure out why he seemed different, and much of this involved self-recrimination, though she also delivers this with humor: “Because I was fat. OK, not fat. But certainly not svelte. And large epidemiological studies have shown that maternal obesity and gestational diabetes have been found to increase the rate of autism in children.”

More than anything, though, “To Siri With Love” is the story of Gus and Henry and their parents, a family like many others, but one that in this case has some different issues to work through.

Like allowing Gus to walk to school by himself for the first time. “I watch until his little silhouette is lost among the early morning commuters,” Newman writes. “About every tenth step, he hops.” 

 ***

Forbes Library is offering a special event  Wednesday at 7 p.m. on this same topic. “Asperger’s, Autism and Neurodiversity” features a reading with three area writers whose books examine the lives of children and adults with special needs.

Cammie McGovern of Amherst has written several novels in recent years for young adult and middle grade readers, all of which feature young characters with special needs, including autism. She is also a co-founder of Whole Children/Milestones of Hadley, a resource center for children and young adults with disabilities and their families.

McGovern has a 21-year-old autistic son, Ethan, about whom she wrote a well-received essay for the New York Times in August. 

John Elder Robison, also of Amherst, is the author of several memoirs and books about coming to terms with his Asperger Syndrome and about raising a son who also has Asperger’s.

Patricia Stacey of Northampton is the author of “The Boy Who Loved Windows,” her account of how she and her husband struggled with the autism of their young son, Walker, before discovering new therapies and treatments that brought him fully into the world.

The reading takes place in the Coolidge Museum at Forbes from 7 to 8:30 p.m. Free.

Steve Pfarrer can be reached at spfarrer@gazettenet.com.