It’s about that time of year when cinnamon replaces pumpkin spice, wreaths take the place of cornucopias and Wal-Mart restocks its Halloween section with Christmas stockings.
There’s a lot to love about the holidays, but there can also be a lot of pressure baked in with them.
“What I notice about people around the holiday season is that everyone seems stressed out,” said Gabrielle Kravanja Murphy, 49, a photographer who lives in Beckett. Murphy noted that she’s a part of a number of social groups that meet up in the Pioneer Valley, and she participates in Northampton’s Holiday Stroll, which is happening Dec. 1 this year. But she also makes an effort to put her own thoughtful spin on traditions.
Every year around this time, Murphy and her partner, David Edgecomb, endeavor to escape the holiday buzz for something slower. They hang string lights on daylight savings to counter the loss of light, celebrate ‘friends-giving’ instead of a more traditional Thanksgiving feast and practice fireside yoga on the winter solstice followed by a potluck.
“We really enjoy more simplistic pursuits — sitting by the fire and having a cocktail, lighting a candle — not engaging with the commerciality of the season,” Murphy said. “It’s like we’ve created our own family in a way.”
Growing up in a Catholic household, Murphy says her family gave each other presents and Santa Claus always visited on Christmas Eve. But what she remembers most is the European nut bread made by her grandmother, who was born in Slovenia, and visiting with loved ones.
“My memories center around my grandmother cooking special meals for our family, and we would have a traditional European Christmas with my father,” Murphy said.
These days, Murphy says, her family is spread out, and they don’t gather around a dinner table like they used to. So around the holiday season, she forms her own family and creates her own traditions, which are centered around her “environmentally sound” and economical value system, she says.
“I feel like it’s a little bit hypocritically for someone such as myself to jump back into the holiday mania of shopping and gift-giving just because that’s what everyone does,” Murphy continued.
Last year, Murphy celebrated “friends-giving” with “several of our friends who don’t get together with their families for the holidays,” she said. The dinner was hosted by friends who were house-sitting for the owners of a large home in the Berkshires. “We had a lovely meal that we all contributed to. We had a beautiful farmhouse with a roaring fire and this beautiful table.”
After, they hiked up to the remains of a mansion that had burned down long ago to watch the sunset together and talk about what they were thankful for.
“We laughed, and came back to the house and played board games. It was a lovely and sweet celebration with a lot of connection,” she said.
Another Christmas, Murphy and Edgecomb hosted a child from Queens, New York, who had stayed with them over the summer through the Fresh Air Fund program.
“We went to New York and brought him back over Christmas break. We made gingerbread houses that he decorated,” Murphy said.
Not to say that traditional celebrations or giving gifts is inherently bad, she says — Murphy and her friends exchange handmade gifts like knitted hats and pumpkin bread with cream cheese frosting instead of a myriad of store bought things.
Murphy says their low-key celebrations have taken the focus off of giving and getting things, and allowed her to celebrate what’s important to her.
“I really do enjoy the tradition, a more pagan tradition, of bringing the outdoors into the house,” Murphy said. Instead of cutting down a tree, however, “I go out and gather greens from my yard and the woods and I make my own holiday wreaths. … For me, it’s about connecting to the resource itself, and not killing the tree or the bush.”
Her holiday traditions don’t just happen around Thanksgiving or Christmas, either. From summer solstice parties to impromptu gatherings throughout the year and random game nights, Murphy says focusing on what’s important to her — often through meditation — is a year-round habit.
“Maybe I need to be quiet. Maybe it’s a walk in the snow or the moonlight. It goes back to that conscious way of living,” Murphy said. Along with friends, fires, and food, “my holidays still center around that idea of coziness and warmth. There’s usually some good food involved, and some baking. … We enjoy that, but we typically stay away from malls and stores, anything commercial.”
During childhood, Christmas is important because of the magic of Santa Claus, she said, a magic “that people still seek as adults. But how do you create magic?” she asked.
“It’s like we’re all searching for this ideal Norman Rockwell-esque holiday gathering, whether it’s through our holiday events or gift giving,” she said. “If most people were honest, they would say they feel some sort of disappointment around the holidays, because we can’t live up to that expectation. I focus on activities and friends that bring me peace and joy.”
For anyone who’s looking to escape from the commercial holiday season, Murphy suggested volunteering or giving something intangible.
“Instead of buying something, give someone the gift of your time,” she said. “Talk about a very precious commodity.”
Andy Castillo can be reached at acastillo@gazettenet.com.