When I woke up this morning, I had this strange feeling that I was 10 years old again (I’m 74), back in the Bronx, and I was eager to get up to the PS8 schoolyard to be part of the insane activities that transpired on those hallowed grounds every day. When I tried to comprehend why I felt this way, it occurred to me that the 2020 presidential campaign was well underway, and the whirl and excitement in the political arena during the past several years closely resembled playground affairs. I am determined not to miss the fun this year, which is why I am throwing my hat into the ring.
I do believe that the many years of experience on the PS8 grounds have prepared me well for the upcoming ordeal. Who says that our public school educational system doesn’t prepare kids for adulthood?
The name-calling and bullying during the last campaign (which is currently continuing) is “child’s play” compared to what we did. Rob (The Slob,) Mitch (The Snitch — close enough) and Lawrence (Larry — he was a big guy) are a few of the milder examples. Not bad for kids who didn’t have adults on TV to emulate as they have now. Sometimes physicality did break out, but there was only a black eye or two as a result. I did come home with a bloody nose once, but I’m not sure if Angelo actually connected with a right or if I accidentally hit myself with a left. No matter. The next day we were back playing stickball and flipping baseball cards, setting the stage for the next fracas.
Of course, I also have some campaign promises to share with the public at this time. I promise that all taxes will be cut in half by the end of my first year in office. I promise that health care will be delivered, free of charge, to everyone and will be the best in the world. I promise that the immigration problem will not be a problem anymore. I promise that there will be no more poverty in our country.
Now you might well ask how I propose to pay for all of this? It’s a fair question. The answer is: Mexico is going to pay for it.
Jonathan Kahane
Westhampton