Dear Greenland: Happy New Year! I hope you are doing well.
I was wondering if I could ask you a rather large favor. Is there any way you could fly down to Florida (it’s quite warm there!), whisk away a certain you-know-who, and bring him to your country? He’s been responsible for so much mischief lately, and I’m thinking a little time out in Greenland might do the world a bit of good. After all, for reasons I can’t quite fathom, he’s pulled off this kidnapping caper in Venezuela, so it’s not like anyone here should complain if you do the same to him.
Please though, no guns or violence. I’m sure he could be peacefully lured into a waiting plane with the promise of a Big Mac and a large fries. And hey, let’s face it, he hasn’t exactly said comforting things about your sovereignty, so, who knows, emboldened as he is now, if you don’t act fast, you could be next.
Spiriting him away to Greenland would be a win-win-win situation, a win for you, for us, and for the world. What the heck, I’ll even foot the McDonalds bill.
Anyway, thanks for considering.
Brian Adams
Northampton