Remember last month when I announced that I was running for president and had even launched a campaign? Well I have to admit that I haven’t received the kind of financial support that I was hoping for, though I did hear from at least 10 or 12 people that they would vote for me. I even was told by one person that they would write my name in if I didn’t appear on the ballot. That was very reassuring, but not the kind of backing I was hoping for.
But I’m not ready to give up just yet. I find myself wondering who I might be running against. Certainly not the recurrent guy. He can’t legally run for a third term, but of course, that’s just what he’ll try to do. On the other hand, he might be safely ensconced in a fancy but securely locked memory unit somewhere in Florida by the time the 2028 election arrives.
Or not. If anyone has shown the ability to sidestep the Constitution and the laws of our land it’s the recurrent guy. And it seems that being the president of our fair nation is just about the most important thing there is to him. Unfortunately, the lives of his millions of citizens don’t seem to matter nearly as much.
It’s all about power and money. And redecorating! Yes, the recurrent guy is into redecorating everything in his world, whether inside the White House or out. One of the first things he did after his second inauguration was to cover much of the Oval Office in 24-karat gold leaf.
Now how could I compete with that? Decorating has never been one of my strong suits, though I have managed to hang a few pictures around the house. But the Oval Office, now that’s a tall order. If and when I beat the recurrent guy, my first act as president will be to redecorate that office my way by painting the entire room pink. And then I’ll fill the place with historical portraits of the forgotten women, minorities, Native peoples, and immigrants who made this country what it is today.
Or at least what it once was before the recurrent guy and his cronies took a hatchet to it all. Of course, it was never perfect. The Framers had great ideas, but they left out so many of us as they wrote the Constitution. But we have struggled to be more perfect and continue to fix what was broken. At least some of us do.
Yes, the redecorator-in-chief has been spending more time on his redecorating projects that on anything else. Start a war? Why not, it will be over soon. But when it’s not and the target country, in retaliation, decides to choke off the supply of oil and related products to world markets, what do you do? Redecorate!
The recurrent guy had already destroyed the East Wing, gone nearly overnight, and had begun construction of a 90,000-square-foot ballroom to take its place. And all done without the requisite research, approvals, bidding process and permits. That’s how it’s done: just bulldoze it and start building anew, respond or not, to critics and the courts, but keep on building/destroying.
The White House rose garden had long been paved over and the painting of the Reflecting Pool at the Lincoln Memorial was in process. But now he’s laser focused on the creation of an Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) fight cage on the South Lawn to enclose mixed martial arts fighters on June 14. And what does June 14 have to do with anything? It’s the recurrent guy’s 80th birthday, of course, and the beginning of our country’s 250th anniversary celebrations. To add to the festivities, they’ve also erected a huge arch over the cage, covered in blinking lights, which is taller than the White House. Oh, how I wish I could be there. But all the tickets have been spoken for with 1,200 of them going to carefully selected members of the military, that is, those who meet a waist-to-height ratio of 0.55 or less to ensure they look good on camera. I definitely would not meet that requirement.
So, my possible opponent, the recurrent guy, is busy redecorating the White House and the South Lawn while the war goes into its fourth month, the price of oil and groceries remain painfully too high, people’s health care costs keep rising, housing remains unaffordable for millions, and the climate crisis continues.
But hey, why spend time fixing those problems for the American people when there’s redecorating to do?
Karen Gardner of Haydenville can be reached at opinion@gazettenet.com.