As a young athlete, I avoided big moments. I always wanted to win, but I wanted someone else to make the play. I wanted the reward without the risk of losing it all. I remember playing a state championship game and hoping I got hit by a pitch when I was up to bat. Yikes. Hardly the mindset of a champion.
I didn’t think like that all the time, but often enough that I remember it more than 25 years later. Memories can be fuzzy, but I know I didn’t love to work hard at that age. I gravitated toward the things I was good at and left it at that. I knew my strengths and was happy enough to ride them as far as they’d take me.
Ultimately, my competitive mindset (or lack thereof) was based in fear — and fear runs deep. It grabs hold of us and takes control. It tells us we don’t have the talent to accomplish great things, and that our opponent is going to win anyway, so why even try?
Fear is responsible for regret. The things we wish we had courage to try haunt us for decades. Because that’s the thing — we might only get one shot. And if fear takes the wheel, we’re left wondering what if.
What if I was brave enough to give my all?
What if I could tolerate my racing heart long enough to make this happen?
What if I wanted the moment so badly that I gave myself a chance?
We all have times in our lives when fear wins. The key is imagining, maybe just for a minute, that we have the courage to go all in. Those are the moments when life is lived.
Over the years, I learned a secret about fear. I don’t remember exactly when I realized this, but like anything we learn that changes our perspective, once we see it, we can’t unsee it.
So what if I told you the most dangerous mindset in sports has nothing to do with winning or success? In fact, it’s just the opposite.
It’s rooted in fear.
The most dangerous mindset in sports happens when athletes fail — in every sense of the word — and they return fearless. They know how badly it hurts to have their heart broken, but they don’t care anymore. Nothing can break them. And when athletes get to that point in their mind, they are a tough out.
Nothing can break the already broken.
Fear holds power over us because we hide it. It’s like failure in that way. We don’t showcase our failures, nor do we showcase our fears. They’re hidden deep beneath the layers of who we are. Why would we celebrate fears? They bring us down. They bring us away from our goals and what we’re trying to accomplish.
And as much as athletes may hate to admit, fear doesn’t disappear when we become more talented. It doesn’t disappear when we are recruited to play college sports or when we win a championship, or when we exceed our goals. And this may be the most disappointing news of all, but when the stakes are highest, fear gets louder than ever.
So I encourage you to run through whatever it is you fear. To get your heart broken in sports. To give everything in you and lose. Because you’ll learn that is the blueprint for a meaningful life.
We must decide that the possibility of failure isn’t enough to keep us from trying. That the racing heart and the sweaty hands and the uncontrollable adrenaline — these aren’t things we hope to survive. They’re an invitation to compete and step into whatever awaits us on the other side of fear.
Be afraid. There may never come a day when you’re not. But learn to acknowledge it and choose yourself anyway.
Because the only thing that runs deeper than fear is regret.
Carry on.
Jess Lapachinski is an athletic administrator and sport performance professional who lives in the Pioneer Valley. Jess can be reached at jl.victoryLap@gmail.com.