Now that Super Tuesday has passed, it is time to take a deep breath and look back at one of the other issues that roiled the journalistic waters in the Pioneer Valley a short time back.
I am referring to the decision by the trustees of my alma mater, Amherst College, to give Lord Jeffery Amherst his pink slip as the unofficial mascot of the school.
Reportedly, a committee has been formed to select a new mascot and there is a rumor that the moose is a strong contender for the job. But surely this cannot be true.
The moose was the symbol of Teddy Roosevelt’s Bull Moose Party in 1912, and, as you might know, Teddy’s administration did some nasty things to insurgents in the Philippines during his tenure. No, we sons and daughters of Amherst can’t have a moose represent us.
Choosing a new mascot can be such a quandary but now I think the good old Commonwealth of Massachusetts has come to the rescue. Just as we are seeking a replacement, the state has announced it will soon re-introduce timber rattlesnakes onto an island in the Quabbin Reservoir right in our backyard.
What could be more appropriate than this new local species for a new mascot? I hereby propose that Amherst College athletic teams become known as the “Rattlers.”
I know a serpent is not nearly as elegant a mascot as Lord Jeff was, but the snakes are natural and local and we should support area wildlife. Just imagine for a moment the possibilities. Everyone in the stands could have purple and white rattles and, at the appropriate moments, shake them menacingly at our opponents. At the same time we could all go “hisssss.” (It would be understood we are encouraging our team and not denigrating our foe.)
A student could volunteer to don a snake outfit and perform as mascot. There is already precedent for this as a student wears a banana outfit each time the Amherst Zumbyes perform.
I bet it would be great fun to lead the rattles.
I have not heard what the plans are for the Lord Jeffery song. I know there are some references to him in the tune but I hope they can figure out a way to save that chorus.
If the trustees believe Lord Jeff as a mascot has created strained feelings in the college community, I would suggest that through the decades the song and especially the chorus have played a major role in creating school spirit and pride. Some way should be found to preserve it as part of the school’s tradition.
Finally, the Lord Jeffery Inn will soon have to acquire a new name. I expect it will be something appropriate but bland such as “The Inn on the Common,” or the “Inn on the Green.”
If the trustees desire to keep an historical aspect to the building, let’s call it the “Calvin Coolidge Inn.” I acknowledge this is a highly subjective wish on my part and as likely to happen as me winning Powerball.
But he is the only president to graduate from the college and I hope the trustees would at least consider it.
OK, mascot committee, it’s now over to you.
Rich Szlosek
Northampton
The author is a 1961 graduate of Amherst College.