Time now for Summer Reading recommendations.
If you read only one book this summer, and let’s face it, the vast majority of us won’t, because who has time to read anymore what with all these screens and texts and Netflix, and hey, did you see the latest episode of “BreakFace,” that 12-season series about that evil but super-hot Wall Street broker who’s addicted to? But back to Summer Reading …
So if you read only one book this summer — like hah! I’m really going to sit for an hour, just plant myself in one place and run my eyes across gray print while my brain’s working overtime to pay attention, because these days every two minutes there’s another major world crisis with live footage, and then just when I’ve digested that tragedy, some breaking bulletin shouts some insane statement by the Candidate Who Must Not Be Named, and of course I want to wallow in fear and despair, so I set aside the one book I should read this summer to tune in the latest outrage and be outraged like the rest of America …
But then every teacher I ever had haunts me, saying, “Pick up that book!” So there I am skimming gray print for another seven minutes, but then I just naturally gotta check my email and there are five emails selling me something and five more from friends so I answer each — but reading, we were on the subject of reading …
Summer Reading is sooooooo special because when else do I get the time to sit quietly for three more minutes and polish off page one — but there on page two, the only book I should read this summer uses the word “tent” and I think, “Hey, our tent has a hole in it,” so I go on Amazon and 45 minutes later a new tent is on its way and where was I — oh yeah, Summer Reading …
So I reach page two but then I’m informed that it’s time to mow the lawn. I get that done, listening to podcasts about Summer Reading and I’m thinking, “I really should read more than one book this summer,” and I vow to set the bar higher — two books at least …
But if you read only one book this summer, and gimme a break — who are we trying to kid when every May to June we’re given a half-dozen “must reads,” novels about dysfunctional families and romances and histories that tell you what seventh graders used to know about World War II. And each “must read” hits the bestseller lists and you see them on airplanes and beach blankets, but if you look closely at any open book, you never see anyone past page 10, so let’s be honest and admit that while Summer Reading is a worthy goal, ol’ Steve Jobs has seized our minds and sewn his iProducts into our palms, and if there were a bestseller list of what we actually read, it would look like this:
1. Facebook (iPhone/Android Publishers)— A bored secretary tells followers what she had for breakfast and gets 67 “likes,” while 72,000 parents post pictures of toddlers to the background buzz of major marketing campaigns.
2. Email (Yahoo Press) — Lonely people who used to read check their email every seven minutes, usually coming up empty, but they get to sign petitions and give feedback on their latest purchases.
3. Netflix (Netflix Press) — Attractive couple skims Recommended for You and picks a movie that will keep them from reading for another two hours.
4. Texts (Friends Press) — OMG, LOL, ICBIMR 🙂
BUT … IF you read only one book this summer — and I’m on page three now — you’ll be doing your brain a favor, so my Summer Reading recommendation is to shut yourself in an attic, turn off all devices, throw all your iProducts into your safe deposit box, and give reading a try. You used to like it.
Bruce Watson can be reached at breadandroses22@yahoo.com.