My mother no longer lives on this earth, but her voice keeps whispering in my ear. And that’s a funny thing, since I’m now 70, something I find myself announcing to nearly everyone I encounter. Strange as it might seem, there’s a huge gap between 69 and 70 and it takes some getting used to.
By now you would think that whatever my mother had to tell me would have settled firmly into my cells. Nevertheless, what I hear her saying goes something like this: “Don’t say or do mean things to other kids, don’t name-call, don’t be a bully, tell the truth, try to be kind and get along.”
What she meant by “get along” was “don’t make waves,” but as I’ve grown older I’ve discovered that waves are often just what is needed. You can’t make change for the better without making a few waves, maybe even big ones, so I’m all for that.
Therefore, I’m choosy about which motherly teachings I focus on. The part about name-calling and bullying is something I take very seriously, having experienced the pain of that myself, as most of us have. As humans, we have an enormous potential for kindness, and, unfortunately, for cruelty as well. The point is to lean toward one and away from the other.
I did find myself engaging in name-calling recently, referring to the president as the twit-in-chief. And though I do believe that’s what he is, I feel some regret that I stooped to his level to express it.
Most parents work hard to teach their children the lessons my mother taught me, hoping they will grow up with a sense of which behaviors are right and which are wrong, what is hurtful and what is helpful, and with a belief that kindness and respect for others make life better for everyone including themselves, and lead to a more peaceful world.
How confusing, then, it must be for kids today when the president of our country spends so much of his time name-calling and bullying anyone or anything that gets in his way. You have to wonder what voice is whispering in his ear, if any at all. I’d share my mother with him if I could, but I doubt she’d take on such a daunting task.
Much of this behavior reaches the world through his Twitter account, his preferred mode of communication. We get to read his childish taunts directed at world leaders, their countries, his political opponents, the free press and even at his allies and appointees.
Analysis has shown how he picks a descriptive word to add to a person or an organization’s name that serves to brand them forever. Like “Liddle Marco” or “Crooked Hillary.” Or “Fake News CNN” and “Dishonest Press.” And, unfortunately, it seems to stick in people’s minds and informs their opinions.
This branding is probably the most effective thing Donald Trump does as president. A Gallup poll from December 2017 showed Hillary Clinton’s favorable rating to be lower than it was on Election Day, 2016. She lost, she’s out of the picture, yet she’s hated more than ever?
Perhaps it has something to do with the president’s persistent, and dangerous, demand that the Justice Department open a new Clinton investigation, or his constant taunts of “Crooked Hillary” and “lock her up.”
And then there’s the lying. How do we impress upon our children that lying is wrong when the president lies as he breathes? And it doesn’t seem to matter to him that he is lying. He never shows remorse, never apologizes.
Recently, he was recorded in a speech admitting that he had lied to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. Not only did Trump say that he lied, he proudly bragged about it, and that in doing so he had had no idea what he was talking about.
Who brags about lying? And this on the world stage for all to hear. Is this something we want our children to emulate? The world has had more than a year of this behavior and it’s hard to believe that any world leader would trust our president to follow through on any agreement he signed. Why would they?
I know that all politicians lie sometimes. For heaven’s sake, everyone does now and then. We are human and therefore imperfect, but most of us try hard not to lie. But when we do let one slip, hopefully it’s just a small one that will not affect matters of war and peace, life and death and our very democracy.
This president’s aberrant behavior threatens the viability of that democracy. He does not understand the simplest rules of decency and respect for others, and the rule of law that is embedded in our Constitution. And because of that he diminishes it.
Our democracy works only as long as we agree that it should, that although we may disagree on some things, we agree to follow the rules and norms that have underpinned it for more than two centuries. This president clearly agrees to none of that.
I don’t envy today’s parents. They have a tough job teaching their children one thing while listening and watching the president do just the opposite. But then again, he can stand as a perfect example of what not to do. Parents can point to the consequences of his lying and bullying, to the trail of pain and hurt he leaves in his wake, and remind them that kindness trumps cruelty every time.
I still hear my mother whispering in my ear those simple teachings. And then I watch my own son teaching his son these same lessons and hope that it sticks, that my grandson will hear his father’s voice whispering in his ear all the days of his life. I hope.
Karen Gardner, of Haydenville, a retired computer programmer, is a bird watcher, nature photographer and ukulele player. She can be reached at opinion@gazettenet.com.