I know this may sound strange, but I’ve been thinking a lot about Melania Trump.
I’ve found myself feeling sympathy for her, despite the fact that she has achieved great wealth and a high position in life as the first lady to the most powerful leader in the world. But I feel for her, feel her pain.
She was in the hospital for five days after kidney surgery, the details of which have been kept under wraps. So, we don’t know exactly what she’s suffering from, nor how serious it is.
But it’s not her kidney problems that generate my concern for her, it’s her life in general that causes me to feel this way.
Since Election Day 2016, it’s been pretty clear that Melania would much rather have not been given the job of first lady. She stays very much out of the limelight and only appears occasionally when she must. I’m sure that she was not asked if she wanted her husband to run for president, nor even considered when that decision was made.
But, perhaps I’m just projecting my feelings onto her. I can’t imagine how any woman could survive a relationship like this one.
First there was the “Access Hollywood” tape in which, as presidential candidate, Trump proclaimed his love for grabbing women “by the pussy.” As the wife of such a man, it must have been incredibly hurtful and humiliating to hear him bragging about engaging in such sexually abusive acts. Not to mention the press coverage of the 16 women who have since alleged sexual misconduct on his part.
And now, as president, he’s being sued by at least two women over payments made to them for their silence regarding his allegedly adulterous relationships with them, and by one woman for defamation after she accused him of sexually assaulting her.
I just don’t know how Melania can possibly tolerate this abuse and yes, I think it’s abuse. To be trotted out now and then and displayed as the loving wife to a man who clearly cares very little for her feelings and shows her such lack of respect, must be an utterly painful experience. She is nothing more to him than a showpiece, a fashion model wife, just a piece of bling to show to the world what a big macho man he is.
And to top it all off, there is “Be Best,” the first lady’s official agenda, which is focused on raising our children to be best, or maybe, be their best? The announcement has unleashed a torrent of criticism and ridicule, not just for its questionable grammar and plagiaristic quality (it seems that Michelle Obama used a similar phrase, “Be Better,” when she was first lady), but because its goal is to teach children to do exactly the opposite of what her husband does multiple times, each and every day on Twitter and on any other platform that will have him.
In her speech announcing this new program, Melania said that we must “teach our children the difference between right and wrong” and that social media is too often used in negative ways.
But the kicker line of the entire speech was this: “It is our responsibility as adults to educate and remind them that when they are using their voices, whether verbally or online, they must choose their words wisely and speak with respect and compassion.”
I am in total agreement with the first lady — teaching children to speak with respect and compassion is something we all want. But it’s hard to hear this coming from the wife of the man who disrespects anyone who gets in his way, who uses social media to bully and lie his way through every day.
How are we to take this seriously? How can she keep a straight face while making this speech? Is she unaware of his lying and bullying? Or did someone else create the program and write the speech? Was this just another scam, just more smoke and mirrors coming out of this White House? Is up really down and down really up?
Again, I feel for Melania. She appears to be trapped in this marriage and in this job and perhaps is simply doing as she’s told. Like many women in abusive marriages, it often seems as if there is no way out, that leaving would be even more difficult than staying.
But maybe there is a way out. She could take her son and leave, sue her husband for divorce and take a good chunk of his fortune with her. Really, who would blame her for doing so? I think there are millions who would cheer and support her decision to end her relationship with this cruel and compassionless man.
Unfortunately, we can’t so easily rid ourselves of him, but she certainly can.
Karen Gardner, of Haydenville, a retired computer programmer, is a bird watcher, nature photographer and ukulele player. She can be reached at opinion@gazettenet.com.