For over a decade, I had the great honor of crisscrossing the country co-leading anti-racism workshops with Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum, author of the bestselling book “Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria and Other Conversations About Race.” When we led three-day workshops with people of color and white people, Beverly and I would subdivide the group for one long afternoon — folks of color with her, white people with me. The two groups would do their own separate work.
During those sessions, I stressed the ways white people can be effective allies to people of color — “co-conspirators” is the word used today, but back then we said “allies.” We used to cover a lot of ground in those conversations. There was often confusion, always denial, frequently tears and sometimes shouting. But we pushed on.
One of the things I said to every group of white people, every time, all those years, was this: “It is radical and counter to our upbringing to listen to people of color and believe them. Practice listening and believing. Those are good first steps to cultivate as an ally.”
Most white people have been raised with the subtle but relentless socialization that make us discount what people of color have to say when it goes against our own preconceived notions of what is right, true, fair or expected. When people of color share information that does not conform to the prejudices, biases and misinformation we carry in our brains, we tend to think we “know better” and correct the record — either verbally or silently in our minds.
Most white people have been socialized during their upbringing to finish the sentences of people of color, to “correct” information being shared and to half-listen while preparing their rebuttal. It is actually a radical act for whites to counter those impulses and listen deeply to people of color, and to believe them. Listen and believe. Sounds simple. It’s hard.
During the atrocity that was the Kavanaugh hearing, I found myself wishing that those questioning Dr. Blasey Ford could actually listen to her and believe her. Such a small request, with such a huge impact. Had the senators who sat in the room with Dr. Ford allowed themselves to listen to her deeply and believe her painful story, women around the world would have exhaled with gratitude. Instead, the majority of senators partially listened, rewrote the story and dismissed the truth.
People who are targeted by systematic oppression — people of color, women, members of the LGBTQ community, Muslims, Jews, poor people, people with disabilities, children, elders — want to be listened to and believed. So just doing that is the first step to dismantling racism, sexism, transphobia, ageism, classism and the other forms of oppression that strip members of targeted groups of their needs, voice, power and personal agency.
Listen and believe is a tall order for white men. A tall order for Christians. A tall order for able-bodied people. A tall order for rich people. Listen and believe demands being humble, not in charge, not in the limelight, not the know-it-all.
I listened to Dr. Ford’s opening statement while driving with a friend to Boston, and then heard Mr. Kavanaugh’s statement and responses to questions while driving home that day. My friend and I were literally screaming in the car. Screaming and going hoarse. A longtime anti-racist activist, my friend, near tears, said: “If they had just listened to Dr. Ford — listened with an open mind. And if they had believed her. For once. If men would believe women. For once.”
Targeted people are weary of being discounted, overlooked, patronized and silenced. They, we, want to be heard. And believed. Not corrected, not scolded, not distorted, not mocked, not second-guessed and not diminished. Listen and believe. Good first steps. In time, respect and admiration may follow.
The Rev. Dr. Andrea Ayvazian, of Northampton, is part of the ministerial team of the Alden Baptist Church in Springfield. She is the founder and director of the Sojourner Truth School for Social Change Leadership, which offers free movement-building classes from Greenfield to Springfield. She writes a monthly column on the intersection of faith, culture and politics, and can be reached at opinion@gazettenet.com.