Of all the jobs Juno Orion of Easthampton has tried, being a stay-at-home dad is by far the most difficult.
“The sleep deprivation is really bad. It’s not that you don’t know it will be hard, but it’s harder than you thought it would be,” said Orion, 39, while keeping his 3-year-old daughter, Sylvana, from toppling off the couch. Full-time parenting is as rewarding as it is challenging, he says.
To keep from feeling isolated, Orion goes to parenting cafes at Bridge Street School hosted by Northampton Public Schools, the Northampton/Hadley Family Connection and Northampton Parents Center through a state grant. The cafes feature free child care, dinner and time for discussion, says Mandy Gerry, who helps organize the events for the Northampton/Hadley Family Connection.
For Orion — who began going about a year ago both by himself and with his wife, Stephanie Orion, whenever they’re both free — it’s a chance to connect with others who can relate to the challenges they’re going through as parents.
“That’s where we meet a lot of people,” says Orion, who moved to the region from eastern Massachusetts in 2002 to study video production at Hampshire College. After college, he moved to California to be with family and try to break into the movie industry. He moved back to the Pioneer Valley because he liked the area, and met his wife soon after.
“It turns out, it’s a really great place to be a parent,” he says.
When Orion and his wife were considering how to raise Sylvana, they decided that having him stay home would be the best and most economical option for their daughter. At the time, Orion was working in carpentry. Stephanie Orion is the academic department coordinator of the sexuality, women’s and gender studies major at Amherst College. They considered enrolling Sylvana into daycare but deemed it too expensive.
“Why would we do that when I could just raise her myself? Ultimately, it’s been great, (albeit) incredibly difficult and trying,” Orion says.
Initially, Orion says he expected full-time parenting to be challenging. It was a lot harder than he anticipated, he says. But with the challenges — entertaining a toddler, finding time for himself — are a lot of triumphs.
“She started preschool this year. At the end of the day, she runs out and gives me a hug,” he says.
In the community, he says he’s found a lot of support from others who are in his shoes, as being a stay-at-home dad in the Valley “is surprisingly normal. It’s encouraging, for sure.”
During the week, Orion says he brings Sylvana to playgroups on most days — playgroups are held at the Edwards Church in Northampton Mondays through Thursdays and Fridays at the Whole Children’s Building in Hadley.
“The benefit is sanity,” Orion says. “I don’t know what we would have done without them, honestly. At a certain age, the struggle becomes ‘what do you do?’ Because you need to get out of the house, to go somewhere, and do something, for some of the day.”
Among resources that are available specifically for dads, the Northampton/Hadley Family Connection also hosts cafes for fathers. Most recently, a three-week parenting cafe for dads began last Thursday. According to Gerry, the cafes for dads were started about a year ago after a few fathers who attended the parent cafes expressed interest in having a more private space where they could connect with other men.
Compared to the all-parent cafes, the dad cafes are more intimate, Orion notes.
At last Thursday’s cafe, the topics of discussion ranged from showing children love to opinions on crying.
“There’s a challenge in teaching (children) that emotions are good and healthy, but you a have a choice in how you express those emotions — crying is probably ok, but screaming is not,” he continues. On the question of how to show love, Orion says opinions varied from “ ‘we say it,’ to ‘give hugs,’ to ‘give presents,’ to ‘we listen to the same annoying songs over and over again. We read the same annoying books over and over again,’ ” he says. “At least one dad said, ‘I show them I love them by working all day and earning money.’ ”
He sees a lot of the same fathers at playgroups during the week, “but even there we can’t say, ‘let’s talk about being parents.’ It’s not the space for it,” he says. “There’s probably, always, some sort of censoring that happens if you’re in front of everyone. At the dad’s cafe, it’s like we can talk about our lives.”
Andy Castillo can be reached at acastillo@gazettenet.com.
The next Parent Cafe for Dads will be held this Thursday from 5:30 to 7 p.m. at Bridge Street School, 2 Parsons St., Northampton. A third cafe will be held April 4. The cafes are free. People should RSVP to the Early Childhood office at 587-1471 or e-mail mgerry@northampton-k12.us.
Additionally, the Northampton Parent’s Center’s annual Week of the Young Child Children’s Festival will be held April 6 from 9:30 to 11:30 a.m. at Jackson Street School. The event will feature indoor and outdoor activities including a department of public works truck, a fire engine with a spray hose, a police car and a school bus. Inside there will be craft and play items provided by local programs who teach or provide services for young c hildren and families.