It has been a year since I took my last drink. Alcohol has always had a huge role in my life. From experimenting when young, to heavier use to mask trauma, to outright reprehensible behavior that pushed people away, alcohol was calling the shots. (No pun intended)
Yes, I have had years of “not drinking,” but the thought process that drinking imprinted on my views of the world and subsequent thinking seemed to always lead me back to darker world. How does one actually change a whole belief system and way of thinking and thus, acting?
My parents raised me to be caring, thoughtful, generous, open-minded and kind. My older brother and sister were like-minded and taught me to be curious, questioning and creative. It was imbedded and would shine in me from time to time throughout the years.
But something else in me kept that part of me from consistently staying positive and asking for help — depression. Last year, I was ready to call it quits. I didn’t like who I’d become or how my brain worked. I had lost interest in people, places and passions.
Or so I thought. I actually tried to find an inpatient, safe place to go, but to no avail. Then an unplanned “intervention” occurred. And for that, I must remain eternally grateful. The weight of the world was lifted. But I had just enough insight and knew that I could not take this epiphany for granted. And so for the last 365 days, I have lived as the person I knew was just waiting to awake and bust out.
It has taken a lot of work and with the help of an entire community of peers, family and friends that have selflessly supported and encouraged my efforts. And I have learned to be a better friend, brother and son and partner. I have learned what true love is.
Everyone is on a journey of trying to find meaning that feeds our soul. It has become a way of life that I look forward to every morning. I am active in my community in a positive, hopeful and loving way. It has permeated my life and my music.
I couldn’t, and wouldn’t, have truly changed for the good without the love and support and peer-shared, lived experiences of so many kind folks. And for all that and more, I love you and will be forever grateful.
Matt Delaney
Florence