When I was small, my family had one TV. It was a small black-and-white set and it got two channels, but it worked, and for several years I watched the same children’s educational programming on it every afternoon. My mother swore “The Electric Company” is the reason I was reading before kindergarten, and I learned the words abierto and cerrado up in northern Vermont thanks to “Sesame Street.” I loved both of these shows — they were not only educational but also hugely entertaining, not just to me but also my parents, who sometimes snickered in the background at jokes that sailed over my head. I missed a lot of pop-culture references growing up where I did, with limited TV reception. “Sesame Street” and “The Electric Company” kept me hip to the preschool lingo.
But sandwiched in between “Sesame Street” and “The Electric Company,” between Cookie Monster and Rita Moreno, between Big Bird and Morgan Freeman, was “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.”
I didn’t learn any letters watching “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood,” nor any numbers, nor any second languages. In some ways, this show felt like a palate cleanser. “Sesame Street” was a series of vignettes that were cut to feel like commercials, mimicking the increasingly fast pace of the televised world. “The Electric Company” really felt electrified, opening up with a shrieked HEY YOU GUYS and never toning it down from there. But “Mister Rogers” was slow. “Mister Rogers” was calm and quiet, as was Mr. Rogers himself. There were long stretches of what might be mistaken for dead air: extended video of a becardiganed middle-aged man feeding fish, for example. The action on the show happened in the Neighborhood of Make Believe, which I both loved and feared — some of the puppets were unsettling — and yet I watched the whole thing, rapt.
I’ve been thinking a lot about “Mister Rogers.” That’s partly because of a couple of recent movies: “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood” (starring Tom Hanks, in theaters now) and “Won’t You Be Neighbor,” a documentary released last year. The films are quite different, but both make clear the show’s raison d’etre. While other kids’ programming focused on reading literacy, Mr. Rogers was all about emotional literacy: being able to name one’s feelings and to sit with all of them, even the uncomfortable ones. As Tom Hanks/Fred Rogers puts it, “Anything mentionable is manageable.”
It’s a life skill, one that grows and develops over time — if you nurture it. It took me years to be able to say “I’m angry” and mean it (and then not to apologize for it). I still have a hard time sitting quietly with my children’s discomfort rather than immediately looking to fix it. That’s probably why Mr. Rogers memes are ubiquitous over social media — with grownups, not kids. The message is both simple and radical: It is OK to feel our feelings and to give voice to them. Anything mentionable is manageable.
Mr. Rogers came from a neighborhood in Pittsburgh that recently underwent terrible tragedy — Squirrel Hill, the home of the Tree of Life Synagogue. When a white nationalist shooter went on a rampage there in late 2018, my social media feed soon filled with a particular Mister Rogers meme, the one where he tells children to “look for the helpers” in times of crisis. Some have questioned whether that particular advice is actually useful for grownups. It’s one thing to remind children that they don’t have to take care of everything, that “helpers” (hopefully in the form of competent adults) are on the way. But we grownups? We ARE the helpers, or should be. That might feel scary, but it’s okay to feel scared. We can feel scared and still get up and do what has to be done. In fact, that’s the definition of bravery.
My parents never snickered in the background while I watched “Mister Rogers.” There was no meta-level, no jokes that went over a child’s head. The entire show was meant for me, and I knew it — that was part of its deep appeal. But I do remember my parents watching along with me from time to time. The show was meant for kids, but it spoke to adults, too. We’re all 4 years old inside. Slowing down for a minute and sitting with our emotions is age-appropriate for all of us.
“Mister Rogers” has been off the air for almost 20 years. Who is telling our kids this? I guess that, too, is up to us.
Naomi Shulman’s work has appeared in many publications including The New York Times, The Washington Post and Yankee Magazine, as well as on NEPR and WBUR. Follow her on Twitter:
@naomishulman.