Long before the rise of internet dating, lonely souls turned to the classified ads to find love.
The song “Want Ads” soared to the top of the Billboard charts in 1971. This catchy tune by a girl group called the Honey Cone tells the story of a young woman fed up with her no-good, cheating boyfriend. The narrator wants someone who’ll be true. Although she’d prefer a guy with experience, she’ll accept a young trainee.
We can’t help but root for such an open and spunky heroine! In some ways, her words stand the test of time. Dating takes courage, no matter how you go about it.
However, some of the lyrics in “Want Ads” strike me as dated. The narrator pleads for someone to rescue her. What modern-day woman wants to be seen as a damsel in distress? Certainly, not me!
The line about “Extra, extra, extra: Read all about it” got me thinking about what kind of advice I’d give others over the age of 50 from my experiences with online dating. Here are my top 10 tips.
There are two basic types: general and niche. If you’re looking for people of the same religious affiliation or lifestyle choice, something like JDate or Green Singles might be best for you. A general platform with a broad reach such as Match.com, on the other hand, can give you more possibilities in your own geographical area.
The beauty of online dating is that you can present yourself the way you want to be seen. Compared to the old want ads that charged by the word, online dating sites leave you plenty of room to talk about your passions and priorities.
Whatever you do, don’t send anyone money. I always meet prospects in public and ask for their names ahead of time so I can Google them. If absolutely nothing comes up, they might be using a false name to hide a criminal past. Then again, they might just be very private. Whatever the case, I like to play it safe.
I decided early on to date only men with at least a college degree and liberal politics. Snobby? Perhaps. But I don’t regret setting certain standards.
Everyone has a story to tell. Even if the stranger you meet for coffee turns out to not be a match, you’ll have gotten a jolt of stimulation. New experiences are the fresh fruit, spice, and emotional sustenance of life.
I once met a guy who looked like my style twin and was a fellow writer to boot. Conversation flowed so well, I expected we’d get together again. However, he gently told me that I wasn’t a match for him. I’d just have to slay someone else with my Annie Hall look!
Nothing softens the blow of rejection better than a supportive friend or relative who tells you that it’s their loss. Cousin Caryl and I have a running joke that anyone who’s not smitten with me must be mentally ill. Feel free to use that line for yourself.
I once dated The Nicest Guy in the World. Only problem? He didn’t like to read. Ultimately, I decided that I’m such a bookworm at heart, I needed a fellow word nerd.
Life is short, and not everything is meant to last forever. Even though I’ve cherished every relationship I’ve had since Fred died, I know when to bid adieu to someone I’ve dated so both of us feel respected and whole.
If you start from a place of loving yourself, the dating experience is a lot less stressful. Remember that you’re fine on your own. You’re the cake; a special someone is just the icing on top.
As a widow new to online dating, I’ve found that being older — and, hopefully, wiser — has some benefits. For one thing, people in their third act of life generally gauge attractiveness differently from those in their hormone-crazed teens, 20s, or even 30s. Those beauty queens and studs of our youth don’t always age so well. In the last act of life, curiosity and positive energy go a long way.
Still, some things remain the same no matter what our age. Even the strongest among us get a boost from dates that make us tingle and glow. Just like the narrator in the song “Want Ads,” I’m a romantic at heart. I think we all are.
Joan Axelrod-Contrada is a writer who lives in Florence. Reach her at joanaxelrodcontrada@gmail.com.