Signs are everywhere — guides, warnings, written, spoken, subtle, blatant. They come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they are in the form of facial expressions or hand gestures. They are all trying to tell us what to do or not do, where to go or not go. Lately I have found that these directives are more confusing than clear.
Below are a few examples which I have recently come across and feel obligated to share with you given the approach of the so-called “Holiday Season.” Perhaps my disorientation is a “sign” of the times or is simply due to my 80-year-old decaying brain cells. I’ll leave that up to you.
I travel a lot in Switzerland and the speed limit signs are impossible to understand. They invariably indicate what the speed limit is not — they don’t indicate what it is. Couple this with the narrow streets and signs indicating parking on both sides of the street in both directions and it’s no wonder the Swiss walk everywhere.
There are speed limit problems in our neighborhood as well. Traveling on Rt. 66 from Westhampton to Northampton, the speed limit changes from 45 to 25 at the town line. It’s completely unreasonable and downright dangerous. When I have tried to obey the limit, I have had drivers pass me on this two lane road on the right, several times. I’d rather get a ticket than die.
I went to a concert on the lawn in Florence and received a parking ticket for parking in front of a sign with no writing on it. I guess I was supposed to intuit the message. I appealed, the fine was forgiven, and I was told the sign would be fixed. Two years later the blank sign remains.
I walk on the rail trail in Northampton, Easthampton, and Southampton on the average of 6-plus days/week. There are countless signs along the route forbidding all “motorized vehicles.” There are more e-bikes (translation: motorized vehicles) than pedal bikes and most of them are traveling over 30 mph. They are even renting these outlawed machines. On this same path, there are signs directing people to keep their dogs on a leash. About one quarter of the pet owners do not. When I mention this to them, they say, “Oh don’t worry. He’s friendly.” I reply, “That may be so, but I’m not.” I have seen several dog fights between unleashed dogs on the path. I also have seen people with their dog on a 10-yard leash, leaving it extended when people and bikes pass by. What good is that?
These next two examples belong in the same category — I’ll let you figure out what the category is.
1. At an Easthampton Chaos Day event one year, I saw a sign advertising a tarot card reader’s rates: 1 card—$3, 2 cards—$5, 3 cards—$10.
2- At Southampton Big Y, I saw a sign over the strawberries: Sale—2 packages $10. I asked the manager how much one package costs? He replied $5.
One possible explanation is that a recent news report said that U.S. math and reading scores for public school students are the lowest in 20 years. You might have to ask your grandparents what’s wrong with the above two examples.
I saw a rather disturbing sign in a small “cafe” while traveling through rural Texas not far from Uvalde. It read, “Coffee, Bakery, and Gun Shop — Silencers sold here.”
I recognize that the material above could (should) be disturbing to most, so I’ll conclude with a rather humorous electronic highway sign (albeit with a sobering message) in the Cincinnati area which read, “Visiting the in-laws? Slow down — Get there late.”
It’s time for me to SIGN off so l’ll use one of the most famous ones — “Good night and good luck.” (Edward R. Murrow)
Jonathan Kahane lives in Westhampton.