Stay positive! These simple and easy-to-remember words are worth living by. Numerous studies have shown that optimistic people enjoy long lives and excellent physical and mental health. They are often tall, attractive, well-dressed, strong, and fast runners. They typically have better vision, more lustrous hair, clearer skin, whiter teeth, and fresher breath compared to those of a gloomier disposition. Most importantly, the optimistic tend to be wealthier.
Case in point: the late Reverend Norman Vincent Peale. Born into humble circumstances in rural Ohio in 1898, this diminutive Bible-thumper promoted the idea of positive thinking. In 1952, after publishing his book, “The Power of Positive Thinking,” Norm became a multi-millionaire, when a million dollars was more than just walking-around money. Talk about positive thinking.
But positive thinking has its limits. It can metastasize into overconfidence, and then into hubris. Lucifer, Icarus, Victor Frankenstein, General George Armstrong Custer, the designers, builders, and captain of the Titanic, Wile E. Coyote, and Stockton Rush were all positive thinkers. How did positive thinking work out for this bunch?
This brings us to the UMass Athletics Department and its football muddle. Like the toymaker Geppetto, who wished upon a star that his wooden puppet Pinocchio could become a real boy, Ryan Bamford, Director of Athletics and resident cockeyed optimist, really, really, really wishes his forlorn football team could become a real football team. In pursuit of this chimera, the positive-thinking Mr. Bamford is certain that “over-investing” will “revitalize” the program and transform it from a mere Football Bowl Subdivision Bobo doll into a feared adversary. Hmm. Revitalization versus resurrection. Make no mistake — it will take a Lazarus-like resurrection to get UMass back on track.
Unlike Geppetto and Pinocchio, who could count on the Blue Fairy to make their dreams come true, Bamford is betting on a Green Fairy metamorphosis by funneling oodles of greenbacks into the gridiron mess. Predictably, throwing money at a problem is the usual uninspired go-to solution for those who are chronically and stubbornly unimaginative. In the Minutemen’s case, investing several million dollars will not solve the core dilemma: a team floundering in a division where they are not competitive. The proposed cash tsunami is at once a cosmetic placebo and a display of Athletics Department hubris on steroids. This is not positive thinking nor optimism, but unadulterated hubris.
For more than 10 years, current and former players and coaches have steadfastly represented UMass, remaining committed to winning despite tremendous hardships. They often play in ridiculously lopsided, embarrassing, and risky games, giving their all. The poor win-loss record and on-field disappointments are not due to a lack of effort or talent but rather to cowardice and greed at the highest levels of the University of Massachusetts. The sad irony is that while out of its depth at the FBS level, the program would be among the top-tier teams in the Football Championship Subdivision. Enough is enough. More than a decade of hard time in the FBS pigskin prison is cruel and unusual and warrants parole and early release.
Still, UMass fans struggling to keep faith amid casual administrative indifference can find hope in The Carter Family, who encourage everyone to “Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side.”
For Ryan Bamford and his co-FBS zealots, perhaps Kenny Rogers’ guidance is more fitting: “You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em.”
George Costanza once said, “Well, sometimes you can’t help these people till they hit rock bottom.” This just in! For the UMass movers and shakers who are paid to care about such things, the program is at rock bottom. But who knows? Maybe, with just a little more apathy, there are further ignominious depths to plumb.
Jack Tulloss lives in Belchertown.