For years I’ve said about Republicans that what they accuse the Dems of doing is exactly what they are doing. This is triply true with Donald Trump, and about the only thing true about him as far as I can see.
These days he’s accusing the Dems of being socialists and radical communists, as opposed to middle-of-the-road communists or conservative socialists. The truth is that Trump is the conservative socialist. In fact, he’s become the most socialist president we’ve ever had. Sorry Bernie, but Comrade Trump trumps even you.
First, the facts. What really is the difference between communism and capitalism? In a traditional capitalist system, one man exploits another, whereas in communism, it’s the other way around. You know what happened when they brought socialism to the Sarah forest? Don’t you mean the Sarah desert? Well, sure now….
When Father Trump was shot, he raised his fist in a known Marxist salute. It’s not a coincidence that he’s only campaigning in “red” states. Take a look at his closest friends on the world stage; they’re all communists. North Korea, China and Russia, don’t forget his new bro-manse with Zohran Kwame Mamdani. I hear that Putin is really jealous… The only exception is Cuba, but after they put up the money for the new Trump workers casino and immigrant detention center, he’ll fall in love with them too.
Our great leader Trump’s government now has partial ownership of several transnational corporations. I thought Trump didn’t like trans things, but I digress. The government owning businesses used to be socialism but now it’s making Amerika grate again. It’s not Marxist anymore; it’s MAGA to the Max! I think that what he really likes best about being a communist is the corruption, it’s so easy to be a corrupt communist. In capitalism, you have to worry all the time about the law and people finding out that you’re ripping them off. Usually they don’t like it, but the MAGAs seem to be an exception. They love it when apparatchik Trump steals their money. But in communism, payoffs are part and parcel of the one-party system, and you don’t have to worry about pardoning yourself before you’re deposed. But I digress, again.
If the Republicans keep the House of Representatives fellow traveler Trump’s five-year plan is to send you a check for $5,000 regardless of how you voted (yea, right…) George Washington knew that “the people” will vote for whoever promised them the most rum, and he was a socialist. Look it up. Ask any contractor that worked for General Secretary Trump before he became socialist if his checks bounce. Personally, I’d take $2,000 in cash now.
Hero of Socialist Labour, Trump’s latest socialist scheme is to pay women $9,000 a year to be tradwives rather than work. What’s more socialist than the government paying people to do nothing? Some trad-conservatives are aghast at the thought of mothers getting paid, but don’t worry. There will be no waste, fraud, and abuse because “hero of the peep-hole” Trump plans to only pay white women in traditional family households where there are two parents, one of each sex as sanctioned by the Bible, vote Republican, and buy his cryptocurrency. So there’s no worry of woke welfare queens defrauding the government. Comrade Trump will make sure that if anyone is going to defraud the government, it’s going to be him and his ruling family. Maybe a few friends of his and his loyal supporters. Perhaps a few 1/6 patriots and cabinet members. But that’s all. Plus, it won’t raise your taxes because Mexico will pay for it.
Andy Morris-Friedman lives in Hadley.