I’ve spent 20 years around sports and sometimes I still find myself questioning whether a particular experience is actually best for my own children.
Youth sports have become complicated. There are more teams, more opportunities, more pressure, more specialization, and more opinions about what young athletes should be doing. I see it as a parent, through my work with athletes, and from the college athletics side. And while I certainly do not have all the answers, I’ve seen enough to know there are some things that are legit no’s for me.
Here are the red flags I wouldn’t ignore as we all try to navigate this rapidly-changing landscape of youth sports.
The team culture is built around comparison
When athletes are constantly looking around to see where they stand relative to everyone else, it becomes difficult to acknowledge their own growth and development. Who starts, scores goals, who is getting recruited — these events can be reasons to celebrate teammates or opportunities for disappointment. Coaches and team culture play a role here.
Player development doesn’t exist
This is arguably the biggest red flag in my book — when parents are paying for access to tournaments and showcases without coaching or development. Playing more games does not automatically mean an athlete is improving. There should be intentional coaching, constructive feedback, and progressive skill development. If the primary product is simply more opportunities to compete, parents should question the value of the experience.
Your athlete is becoming someone they don’t like and you don’t recognize
If your child is consistently more anxious, negative, or fearful because of their sport, pay attention. Sports should challenge athletes, and even provide some discomfort at times, but they shouldn’t change how an athlete feels about themselves.
Coaches use fear to motivate
This has no place in sport, ever, but especially in 2026. Running, push-ups — these are not things athletes do when they are punished for making mistakes. They are part of a healthy body and mind and should be modeled as such. Fear might create compliance or even success in the short term, but it does not support the long-term development of confident, resilient athletes. If athletes are motivated by the fear of what happens if they get something wrong, the environment is working against the skills we want young athletes to develop.
The coach talks more about commitment than growth
There is a distinct difference between commitment and sacrificing everything for a sport. Commitment should mean showing up prepared, holding yourself personally accountable, and investing in your development through sports. It does not mean athletes never miss practice or that they should put the needs of their family behind the needs of their coach or team. A healthy team can expect commitment without demanding that sport become an athlete’s entire identity.
Winning is valued over development
Winning matters. Competition matters. But youth sports should not always be structured around the idea that results are indicative of whether an athlete, coach or team is successful. There are many ways to measure success, including skill development and personal progress. Again, a lack of overarching development should be a concern for families.
Athletes are afraid to tell the truth
Athletes need to know they can tell an adult when something isn’t right without immediately fearing punishment or losing their role on the team. If an athlete learns that honesty comes with negative consequences, eventually they stop being honest, and that has a cost far beyond sports.
Mental toughness means hiding emotions
When athletes know they cannot bring anything but top-tier performance to practice, you’ve got a serious problem. The concept of mental toughness has changed (thankfully). Mental toughness is learning how to acknowledge what you are feeling and still discern what the moment requires of you. Athletes become mentally tougher by learning how to operate effectively within emotions, not stuffing them down.
Burnout is normalized
Constant practices, tournaments, travel, and year-round competition are viewed as proof of commitment. If you’re not in, you’re out. There is a difference between being dedicated to a sport and being consumed by one. Rest, recovery, time with family and friends, and simply having space to be a kid are not signs that an athlete is less committed. If an athlete must be constantly exhausted to remain on the team, the environment deserves a closer look.
Red flags aside, there are a lot of great youth sports coaches out there. My family and I have been so fortunate to have quality, friendly, engaging mentors for our children in sports.
But it’s always helpful to remind yourself — if it doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t.
Carry on.
Jess Lapachinski is an athletic administrator and sport performance professional who lives in the Pioneer Valley. Jess can be reached at jl.victoryLap@gmail.com.