One of the dilemmas of getting older —
“Yeah but you’re not old.”
Yeah, but as I was saying, one of the
dilemmas —
“Yeah but it’s not really a dilemma.”
Ahem. One of the dilemmas of getting older is not knowing when something that seems new, something you recently noticed, first began. So is it just me? Is it just me starting to notice? Or is everyone I know saying “yeah, but …” several hundred times a day? A typical conversation goes like this:
“Gonna be a nice day.”
“Yeah, but it’s supposed to rain late afternoon.”
“Yeah, but only for an hour.”
“Yeah, but I was hoping to go for a walk.”
“Yeah, but you can go earlier.”
Yeah but, yeahbut, yabut, yabut, yabut …
Assuming it’s not just me (yabut it might be), entire conversations now pinwheel around these two little words. Yabut you’re not quite right … Yabut you forgot to mention … Yabut you apparently haven’t heard …
If I’m right about this — with no ifs, ands, or yabuts — then I’m certain it has to do with the glut of information.
Yabut it might be —
Shut up.
Time was when a simple statement contained all the facts needed. “Gonna be a nice day” did not require any qualification or update, and only a weatherman was likely to know more. A casual commentary on the news was news to most people, and no one had any late-breaking bulletins or alternate facts to ignite a string of yabuts.
But today, when the latest radar is accessible on any phone, when the latest news horror is updated by the minute, no statement is simple enough to avoid a yabut. And no yabut can stand without a supporting yabut, which in turn needs a yabut 2.0, a yabut upgrade, a yabut yabut yabut.
Next thing you know, you know more than you ever wanted to know about the weather, the latest outrage, the coming apocalypse. And you come away certain that you don’t know anything for certain anymore and you’ll never make the mistake of saying something simple.
Yabut you will, you know you will.
Yabut you do it, too.
Yabut not as often as you …
We are an argumentative species, always have been. I don’t doubt that cavemen (yabut don’t forget cavewomen!) had their yabuts. Yet I’m convinced with each spiraling yabut that the corrections, qualifications, and addenda are piling up in record numbers. It’s not uncommon, especially among the info-glutted, to hear twenty, even thirty yabuts an hour.
And pity the poor couple I overheard in an airport. Like so many couples, they were stuck in a Yabut Loop.
“Yabut you said we were changing in Atlanta.”
“Yabut they switched it.”
“Yabut I like that airport.”
“Yabut Dallas-Fort Worth is fun.”
“Yabut I hate all those cowboy hats.”
“Yabut you liked it last time.”
“Yabut that was …”
Aside from smashing every screen in sight — not a good idea no matter how tempting — there is only one way to break the yabut habit.
Yabut there might be more …
Ahem. Only one way, I say, and that is “yes, and …” Try it sometime. Instead of the kneejerk yabut (yabut I don’t say it that often), try to live without the correction, the contradiction, the infinite desire to have the last word. Try saying “yes, and.”
Yabut you …
Just try it. Say it. Yes, and …
Gonna be a nice day.
Yes, and we can go for a walk. Even if it rains.
Yes, and isn’t conversation less abrasive without yabuts.
Yes, and I will never say yabut again.
Yabut it might just be me.
Bruce Watson can be reached at breadandroses22@yahoo.com.