A Military Family and Friends Bereavement Support Group held its first meeting earlier this month in Ware. It welcomes military family members or friends in the Quabbin area coping with the death of a loved one who died as a result of service in the military.
This is a great idea and will likely benefit many in the region whose family members have served our nation, and who by extension also have paid a price.
Included are service members who died in combat, or because of combat-related exposure or injury; service members who took their own lives due to post-traumatic stress, traumatic brain injury or as a result of transition stress; or service members who died in training accidents or from friendly fire.
Beverly Prestwood-Taylor helped guide the group. Prestwood-Taylor, executive director of the Brookfield Institute, which supports military families and veterans, says that grief for a service member takes many forms — and all are correct.
“Almost every bereaved military family member I’ve talked to has what I would call ‘complicated grief,’” explains Prestwood-Taylor, who is also a minister. Grief takes on as many forms as there are people, she adds, and military bereavement has some unique aspects.
And if the veteran came home, only to die by suicide due to post-traumatic stress or traumatic brain injury, or some other result of service, there’s a complicated roller-coaster of emotion — feeling relief at first because their loved one came home alive, only to have them die later on, she says.
Patty and Paul Boynton are the founders of the support group. Their son, Sgt. 1st Class Christopher Boynton, served three deployments: two to Iraq and one to Afghanistan. He took his life Oct. 28 while serving in Fort Riley, Kansas.
The support group offers a safe space to talk with other people who have experienced the same thing, and goes beyond the stereotypes.
“The country is very supportive, but they don’t want to hear about, for instance, Afghanistan or Iraq,” Prestwood-Taylor notes. “They’ve moved on. There’s a sense of, ‘Haven’t we done this? Aren’t we through with this?’”
Consequently, many people dealing with the death of a member of the military have a hard time finding someone to talk to and someone to listen, Prestwood-Taylor says.
What she and other organizers understand is the power of empathy from people who have been through the same experience and pain. That empathy from those who truly understand that what you are experiencing — or will be experiencing — can have a tremendously calming effect.
We hope that many people take advantage of this bereavement support group, and perhaps find relief and solace.