I read with a heavy heart the Gazette’s Jan. 24 story, “North Adams man admits killing wife, gets life sentence.” My condolences go out to Christa Leigh Steele-Knudslien’s loved ones who will live with their loss for the rest of their lives.
I was grateful to see that Mr. Mark Steele-Knudslien was successfully prosecuted for murder, but I was dismayed to see Leonard Cohen, Mr. Steele-Knudslien’s attorney, try to explain away the homicide by pointing to “serious mental health issues.”
Many people with serious mental health issues are beloved members of our communities and would never hurt anyone, much less someone they purport to love. Domestic violence is not caused by mental health issues, or by childhood trauma or by substance abuse.
It is critical that we dispel these myths, in part because they lead our young people to stay in abusive relationships in hopes that once their partner gets help for their mental health or childhood trauma, or gets clean, the abuse will end. The hard truth is that getting help for mental health, trauma or addiction does not mean abusive behavior toward a partner will stop.
People who are abusive have abusive values, a phrase coined by author JAC Patrissi. They adhere to a belief system that supports their behavior. Abusive people may also struggle with mental health, trauma or addiction. But until their values change, their abuse is unlikely to stop.
Abusive people believe they are more important than their partner. They believe that if their partner challenges them or makes them uncomfortable, they have a right to shame, humiliate, or harm their partner. They do not think they are accountable for their behavior, despite intermittent periods of regret for “what their partner made them do.”
Rather, they expect their partner to accept them as are. In fact, if they make even the slightest temporary improvement in their behavior, they expect to be praised.
Some of the kindest people I know have mental health issues, trauma histories, or struggle with addiction. Just like most people in our community, because they do not have abusive values, they are not abusive.
Monica Moran
Amherst