During these turbulent times of COVID and its accompanying variants, I have been putting a lot of effort into seeing what happens to my psyche when I trust my judgment about what is safest and healthiest for myself and others, and then putting that into practice.
I attempt to listen carefully as I read and hear the news, but within a few minutes, I must turn my attention elsewhere or I will plunge into overwhelm and despair about the state of our country. I feel bombarded with too much information from the “experts,” and way too much of what I consider misinformation and disinformation that is offered as truth.
Some sources I trust more than others, and yet, what they have to offer often changes day to day, minute to minute. I don’t know what to believe. The conflicting information provided by government officials, both federal and state, well-respected scientists, mayors from stricken cities and governors from crisis states makes me anxious.
I certainly can’t rattle off statistics, nor do I have answers for any of them. It is not my attempt to do that within the scope of this piece. My calmest mind and heart reassure me that trusting myself leads to the best information I can gather. I know these experiences are not unique to me. Most everyone I talk with, on the phone, on FaceTime and on Zoom seems to be floating in some semblance of fog with occasional clarity.
We await spring, with the hopes that the worst of COVID and omicron will be over. Is that a hope born of grasping at straws? No one knows for sure. Talk about a life practice of living in the moment.
I have been watching over the past two years how I have become more hermit-like in my life, but as time goes on, I am not experiencing the fear and depression that seemed pervasive for me up until a few months ago. I have a continuing lung condition that, while not severe, has limited the amount of time that I am out in the world at indoor venues, and who can visit me at home, depending on their vaccination status. I am privileged; I am fully vaccinated and boosted and have access to good protective masks to wear when I am indoors with appointments, going grocery shopping or running errands. Social distancing is more than rhetoric; my attempts to maintain it are sincere. I even have a mask at-the-ready when I am taking a walk.
It sounds like there is some agreement that the percentage of those in our country who are fully vaccinated and who have received booster shots is not increasing as hoped for and predicted. We all have reasons whether or not to be vaccinated, some of which are out of our control. There is availability.
Then what about those living in poverty with little or no access to good health care? There are legitimate beliefs about the validity of the vaccines to begin with, and systemic racism which discriminates against poor and working-class people and especially people of color. These all contribute to the disparity of a well nation, physically and mentally.
I am a Buddhist who has had a meditation practice for over 30 years. Meditating regularly, I find my hope and salvation in the fact that I can and will trust my judgment to do what it best for the health and safety of myself, others I know, and strangers I may meet.
Jennifer Delozier lives in Easthampton.