Those of us who have lived more years than what are ahead of us have experienced and hopefully accepted that change is a continual part of life. We may not want to leave our workplace, end relationships, or move to a new home, yet life presents us with these challenges whether or not they are of our own making. We make the best of things as we are able and we move forward.
On a much larger scale, contemporary global chaos is beyond the scope of the welcome and unwelcome changes of everyday life. While I recognize that entire groups of people have experienced lifelong turmoil because of unjust circumstances, the disorder I am considering here is next level. Do you feel it, too?
Most people seem stuck in their lanes in the paradoxical dilemma of chaos. When narrow versions of right/wrong and moral/immoral behavior are doled out, those in power keep control over the masses. Restrictions as absurd as racist separate water fountains, married women or mothers being denied work, openly lesbian or gay people getting arrested for, well, existing, and other oppressive American norms not too many decades ago were unjust. It is not the “great again” aspiration a healthy society should endeavor; however, the other end of the spectrum where all perspectives and identities — despite harm that may be caused — are made unconditionally valid is a dangerous trajectory for the social contract in our communities and countries.
There is an arrogant mob mentality in today’s divisions. It may appear to be “anything goes” at first glance, but stepping out of line often results in name-calling, dismissal and threats for having a divergent thought. It seems we have expanded and contracted simultaneously.
James Baldwin was one of our most important prophets. Throughout his life, he warned everyone he could reach through his writings and in interviews and speeches about the toxic trajectory of our country. All the while — with many moments of anger and doubt in between — he was convinced of the potential for the United States to own the past and to create a new paradigm for democracy. In his essay, “Everyone’s Protest Novel,” he wrote, “We find ourselves bound, first without, then within, by the nature of categorization.” Baldwin was frequently dismissed or criticized by all sides because he spoke his truth through observation and experience rather than supporting the party line of any group. He responded to arising circumstances with deep consideration, and he changed lanes to meet such moments.
My own meeting-the-moment prescription includes remaining open-hearted and grateful for friends, colleagues and acquaintances who I have known for years or who are cultivated through chance and new circumstances. They are not of one ilk or mindset. One Saturday in July I took my treasured friend to a Saturday morning open rehearsal at Tanglewood. She is old enough to be my mother; in fact, her oldest child is my age, yet we relate to each other as peers.
The following Saturday I served as a wedding officiant for my very dear friend whom I originally met at work. She is 31 — more than young enough to be my daughter — and her friends and family thought I must have been one her professors or a dean at UMass Amherst where the wedding took place. They seemed to think an age barrier would prevent such friendship. We think we are normal.
A colleague of nearly two years is one of the truest friends I have ever had. He is a veteran who incurred trauma and other challenges, and he has a huge heart and kindness with no hidden agenda. I trust and love him very much. We could not look more different on paper.
I understand the feeling of safety that group identity holds for people while it also seems that reinforcing doctrinaire stances even when new information suggests a more nuanced or balanced approach is needed may be counter to progress. In its worst form, groups reward their members with approval when they disparage challengers with fresh ideas.
During the present-day chaotic chapter of our world, simplicity-seeking is antiquated. Peoples’ rights are not always unambiguous. What do we do when one group’s rights interfere with another group’s rights? I say it is high time for critical and independent thinking to make a comeback. We cannot afford to stay stuck in our lanes.
My own lane-changing with motley friends throughout my life has taught me that all sorts of humans are “my people.” Shared values of kindness and empathy supersede identity. This is what gives me hope for humanity.
J.M. Sorrell is a monthly columnist. She identifies with causes and in multiple ways while understanding they should not be barriers to new possibilities.