One of the greatest things about working with coaches for the last 15 years is that I’ve been around some exceptional coaching minds. I’ve had a front-row seat to watching student-athletes learn about personal accountability and leadership development in real time. This has shaped the way I coach athletes and approach my work as a mental performance consultant.
Those experiences have taught me that some of the most effective coaching moments aren’t necessarily the ones where a coach has the perfect answer. Sometimes, the most impactful move a coach can make is to ask the right question.
Here are three questions that will change the way you coach.
1. “How does it feel out there?”
When I was in graduate school studying sport psychology, I had the opportunity to complete my internship with the Amherst College field hockey team. Head Coach Carol Knerr is one of the most fascinating coaching minds I’ve had the pleasure to be around.
As I learned the game and worked to build rapport with the players on the team, I spent several hours watching practice. I was also able to stand on the sideline on game day — one of my favorite ways to get to know the team. The experience from the sideline is just different because you can feel the pace up close — it provided access to moments I never would’ve seen if I was sitting in the stands.
During one of our games early in the season, Carol pulled her team in after the first quarter and asked them, “How does it feel out there?” With only two minutes on the clock between periods, she was inviting her team to provide their insight into how the pace of the game was unfolding.
I noticed every player completely locked in — they were working through the game together and listening to each other’s responses. After making a few notes, Carol added a couple of coaching points for the second quarter, and her team ran back onto the field.
“How does it feel out there?” is a great coaching question because it provides athletes with autonomy in the moment — they are in control. It also builds awareness because athletes learn to think for themselves instead of merely taking direction.
By asking that question, Carol provided athletes with power and ownership, two essential qualities for consistent success.
2. “What’s next?”
I love this one for athletes who tend to get stuck in a mistake or following a bad play. “What’s next?” invites athletes to choose action. Some coaches ask, “What’s important now?” which is similar in context.
Essentially, coaches want athletes to make a move when they ask this question. Move toward action. Move toward a solution. Move toward the next play. Create some momentum for yourself and your team in a positive direction.
This question reinforces a fundamental mental performance skill — we can acknowledge what happened without allowing it to dictate what happens next. Especially during the game, we don’t need to solve everything in the moment (in fact, I recommend athletes do not analyze mid-game.)
“What’s next?” gives athletes permission to direct their attention toward the next opportunity.
Because the last play is in the rearview mirror, and looking there gets you nowhere…
3. “What do you need right now?”
It might be a breath or a reset. A brief moment on the bench or a way to refocus and move forward. It could be a listening ear or space to vent. It could also be a day off.
There are times when I check on a player or a client and I have absolutely no idea what they might need from me — or if they need anything from me. Asking this question gives me immediate insight into what I could be helpful with — often during in-game moments when athletes may be overwhelmed.
Once, I got a player some ice to physically cool them down.
Another time, I spoke with a player who was having a frustrating game and needed a 30-second reset.
At some point, I was asked to provide space — no problem! (I am here to help, and sometimes that means leaving!)
And I walked with a player on a golf course, saying nearly nothing, but they asked me to be there.
I’m not sure I would’ve done any of those things if I didn’t ask.
What an athlete needs can change from day to day or moment to moment. As coaches, we spend a lot of time trying to figure out what our athletes need from us. “What do you need right now?” gives them an opportunity to tell us — and it’s likely something we wouldn’t have guessed on our own.
And when we give athletes the opportunity to communicate what they need, they grow a voice in their own development.
None of these questions are complicated or time consuming, and that’s the point.
Three simple questions can create space for athletes to think, communicate, and take ownership.
Sometimes, great coaching is about asking the question — not having the answer.
Carry on.
Jess Lapachinski is an athletic administrator and sport performance professional who lives in the Pioneer Valley. Jess can be reached at jl.victoryLap@gmail.com.