We need to differentiate between general bad behavior in youth sports and outright racism.

Yes, some parents and coaches lose their composure, behaving poorly at games. But that’s not what our Holyoke athletes are facing.

In the past two weeks, the girls on our Paper City Soccer Club have encountered racism from predominantly white communities — not just badly behaved parents.

One incident involved a white parent calling an 11-year-old Holyoke athlete the N-word. She walked off the field in tears, only revealing the slur to her coach after he encouraged her to speak up.

Our Latino and Black athletes, coaches and parents are enduring racially charged insults and actions from predominantly white communities. This may sound extreme, but the evidence is both visible and deeply rooted in history.

We see it today and hear it in stories from the past. After the parent of the 11-year-old girl shared her story on Facebook, parents and former athletes of color recounted similar experiences from when they traveled into white suburbs.

“It’s ridiculous that to this day it’s still happening,” wrote one woman. “All these kids want to do is play the game they love and have fun.”

Other parents spoke of witnessing racism on the field as well: “I have witnessed things, too, at soccer games. It does happen to our youth and is NOT okay,” wrote one mom.

Others recalled their own experiences as young athletes: “Lord, basketball was hard for me! The things that were said in the stands.”

One mother sent me a private message about an incident involving her child, who plays a sport in a mostly white suburb. She explained that coaches told their players to “let them know if the Holyoke kids say anything to them because they are ‘rough and dirty’ (meaning physically).”

Another parent recounted witnessing racial slurs being directed at high school athletes: “It was a bunch of parents saying it to Muslim kids.”

Some said the mistreatment ignited a competitive fire in them. “It made me want to play even harder and better,” wrote one former athlete.

I have personally witnessed white men pacing the sidelines, growing increasingly hostile until they start shouting that our players are “animals.”

I’ve seen coaches argue that our Black athletes “deserve” to be injured due to their supposed “aggressiveness.”

White women have complained that our athletes of color are “too big” or “too old” to be playing against their white children — even though they’re the same age and size.

One woman from Northampton even filed a complaint against our Puerto Rican coach — one of the kindest people I know — because he was talking with her son after the game. She assumed he was threatening him, when in fact he was teaching and encouraging the young referee.

Some referees show clear bias, favoring white athletes. One Easthampton ref even told a group of white parents that he would “protect” their children from our Holyoke athletes.

Coaches, referees, and parents alike often seem to view our players, coaches, and parents as inherently dangerous or threatening.

I think that when a community of darker-skinned people arrives in a predominantly white area — competing with and cheering for their children, often in Spanish in Holyoke’s case — something in some white people’s minds and bodies seems triggered.

“Why does everything have to be about race?” a white parent asked after Holyoke parents shared stories of their children’s mistreatment.

The answer: because white people are behaving in racist ways.

But what these white parents are really asking is, “Why can’t they suffer the slights of racism and just keep quiet about it?”

When I explained the racism our players experience to a white parent from Easthampton — someone with a Black Lives Matter flag on his lawn — he replied, “Yeah, some parents get carried away. I don’t get it. They’re crazy.”

He was conflating general bad behavior with racism, unable to see that this is about people being targeted based on their appearance, culture, and language.

Without a second thought, he dismissed the racism we experience, attributing it to “all parents” getting carried away.

I believe this dismissal is intentional. It absolves people of responsibility.

Still, I hope white communities can truly understand what diverse communities are trying to communicate.

We’re not talking about a few bad apples — we’re addressing a long history of white racism targeting athletes of color, labeling them as “trashy” or threatening.

This is the issue we’re highlighting. Please stop gaslighting us by reframing it as general bad behavior.

It’s racism.

Holyoke City Councilor Jenny Rivera is organizing a community meeting to address racism in youth sports. I hope all parents, not just those of athletes of color, will attend. Racism is everyone’s problem, and we all need to step up to address it.

Patrick O’Connor lives in Holyoke.