The inauguration just happened, but I’m already looking forward 1,461 days from now when the Trump presidency is scheduled for cancellation, assuming that we still have a Constitution by then. At the current rate Trump will have eliminated the Constitution in its entirety by the mid-terms, except for the Second Amendment. The truth is that time flies by once you’re great again, again.

My advice to him is that it’s never too early to start thinking about his post-presidential period, assuming that there will be one (make a note to pardon himself this time) and start collecting money to build the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library and Resort Casino. The top five probable locations he is considering are Mar-a-logo (sic), staying in the White House, some place in Greenland, the Vatican or San Quentin.

You can’t miss it as you drive by because a bunch of billionaires bought a big, beautiful sculpture of the once and future president carving a giant statue of himself selling cryptocurrency. Experience the hall of mirrors and echo chamber where you can hear his record-breaking 30,573 lies (from the first term) over and over until you believe them.

Place your bets on the day when he breaks that record in his second term. Sorry, “Day One” has already been taken.

Attend a meeting of Q anonymous, it’s a 13-step program to end your dependence on democracy and reality. Enter the drawing to become “Dictator for a day.” Watch lobbyists and Republican congressman play musical chairs while bobbing for campaign contributions. The first 100 visitors get free injections of hydroxychloroquine, and ladies drink for free each Friday at the Bill Barr.

Peruse pundits pondering his place in the pantheon of presidential politics: Was Trump better or worse then James Buchanan? His supporters insist that he’s the greatest president since Jeff Davis. But to be fair and balanced, Trump did do some good things in his life, so his presidential library (and resort casino) will be the first in the country to have its own electron microscope, so you can see them. It’s fun for the whole family as kids get to play dress-up as woke radicals in the Jan. 6 room. It’s a riot.

Don’t be concerned about catching COVID in the crowd because the Supreme Court will give you total immunity. If you get separated from your children, child care will be provided by U.S Customs and Border Protection officials. But they’re a little cagey about that. There’s no such thing as a free lunch in the Hannibal Lecter cafeteria, but you can watch Republicans eat their own.

Sneak a peak at some classified documents while you’re using the (gender specific) gold-plated bathroom. Just show your birth certificate before you enter. It’s chock full of top-secret policy papers and classified intelligence reports, so you would be the first person to ever read them. While you’re in the loo, get an autograph from former Republican Sen. Larry Craig.

If the line for the loo is too long, feel free to soil the rug in an exact replica of Nancy Pelosi’s office. Will be wild!

Don’t forget to exit through the gift shop where you can buy a congressman or steal an election. Save big on pre-orders of Trump’s new autobiography: “My Struggle, Again” co-written by George Santos, introduction by Adol Fitler. If for any reason you’re not satisfied, you get to blame it on an immigrant. Simply return the unused portion of your ticket and Trump will gladly return the unused portion of your money. Just make sure you sign your mandatory nondisclosure agreements before you pay.

Speaking of nondisclosure agreements, we can’t really discuss the two most popular exhibits in the Trump Museum (and RESORT CASINO!!!) but for most men, it’s the Stormy Daniels room and for women it’s the Arnold Palmer room. No rooms available for LGBTQIA+ or minus people, sorry again. One thing for sure is that there won’t be rooms like them at the Joe Biden museum (and rest home), I’ll guarantee that.

But I digress. Admission is free because Mexico will pay for it. Taxes, parking & gratuity (billed monthly on your credit card) not included.

Andy Morris-Friedman lives in Hadley.