Why Rod, I’m so glad to hear from you. What’s up? I’m calling to thank you for referring me to your psychiatrist, Dr. Freud. Remember recently when you were losing what was left of your mind? That’s when you told me about him and how helpful he was. So, I called him up and have been seeing him ever since.

That’s quite surprising and wonderful, Rod, but I hope he hasn’t helped you so much that your brain no longer functions as the generator of creative but frightening tales for your “Twilight Zone” show. Oh no, not at all and speaking of that, I’ve been working on a new script, which got me thinking about you.

Uh oh! That doesn’t sound good. Why me, Rod?

Because I thought the dastardly political nature of the story would appeal to you. Would you like to hear about it? I’m afraid to say yes, Rod, but OK, let’s have it.

There’s this country, a supposed democracy, and a past president who lost his reelection bid, but refused to bow out gracefully and instead instigated an attempted coup. He has now managed to win reelection four years later. As erratic, dishonest and incompetent as he was the first time around, he immediately begins tearing down the democracy as soon as he gets back into office.

I’m listening, Rod, though I’m not sure I really want to.

Yes, it does get worse as the former guy, now the recurrent guy, has a BFF (best friend forever) who oddly enough is an immigrant from an African country. It’s a small ironic literary twist because the recurrent guy has spent the last 10 years screaming about the evils of immigrants poisoning the blood of the country and is now using his new presidential powers to deport as many of them as possible.

The BFF happens to be the richest man in this imaginary world and the recurrent guy, who loves money and the power it brings more than anything, has fallen head over heels for this immigrant guy and puts him in charge of reducing federal spending by 75%! He allows the BFF to destroy the government one agency at a time. Or maybe it will be two agencies at a time, haven’t decided yet.

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Rod, stop right there. What you are describing is a coup, but without the tanks and soldiers! The country is a democracy, you said, how could this BFF, who I’m assuming has no legitimate government job, take the government apart in this way?

Hold on, I’m getting there. First of all, the recurrent guy has signed multiple statements called executive orders that appear to be illegal and unconstitutional — this country has a Constitution, did I mention that? And those orders dictate that the destruction the BFF perpetrates is just fine with him.

The BFF then collects a group of unvetted very young tech-savvy men with no security clearances to assist in this destruction and they take over the computer systems of the government’s most important departments and agencies, like the Treasury. That department controls the payment system that disburses over 90% of federal payments that have already been appropriated by the legislative branch of this fictional government as their Constitution dictates. Those payments provide aid to its citizens in the form of health care, old age pensions, medical research, housing and food assistance, veterans’ benefits, school support and so much more.

This just gets better and better, I can hardly believe I’ve thought this up. Rod, did you really just say that?

Yes, I did. Listen to this … Through emails, the BFF sends out decrees to the over 3 million government employees offering illegal payouts if they resign, hopefully, in great numbers. He’s attempting to destroy everything, and it’s happening while much of the country sits by and watches. By week three of the new administration, the pace of lawsuits filed to stop this takeover has increased, but the question is, will the recurrent guy even obey a court order to cease and desist?

Wow, this is some horror show you’ve come up with, Rod. I know it’s fiction, but there’s this extra twist of terror that I think will cause enormous fear and despair among your viewers. And how are you going to end this trauma-inducing episode?

I’ve been mulling that question over for days. Perhaps this nonviolent coup will end in the destruction of the country’s democratic government and it will devolve into the authoritarian dictatorship that the recurrent guy has always wanted. Or something else will happen.

Something else? Rod? Something else?

Well, yes, maybe the opposition party will fight back harder and use every legitimate means at their disposal to stop the coup. And maybe the millions of people who voted for the recurrent guy will wake up when they find that their government no longer works for them and their families, that their hard-earned benefits have been taken away, and that the promises made by the recurrent guy were nothing but lies.

Perhaps then they will join with the people they used to disagree with and flood the streets by the tens of millions to stand up for democracy and kindness and the rule of law. And in the end, their democracy is saved!

I’m sure, Rod, you know which ending I’d choose.

Karen Gardner of Haydenville can be reached at opinion@gazettenet.com.